[Thoughts]

"Today I've decided to let it all go, I'm dropping these bags, I'm making room for my joy." [India Aire]

I'm a person who loves rules. Rules at work, rules at school, fashion rules, and most importantly, rules that I make for myself. But what about when I give my rules too much power? I made pages of lists of rules that I wanted to follow this summer, and continually felt disappointed in myself when I didn't follow all of them, which happened fairly often because they were so strict. So I decided to try LSN all over again, but in August, and much stricter.

However, this time, instead of feeling freed of the chains of technology and consumerism, I felt smothered and constrained by my own restrictions. I didn't feel empowered or accomplished, I just felt like I was punishing myself. I was taking away many of the things that brought me happiness because I felt happiness was unproductive. 

But what if, I just let myself live? 

That was honestly a lightbulb moment for me this morning. Yes, there are times when we need to examine ourselves and make productive changes in life, but there are also times when we need to stop examining ourselves and just be free.

I feel like part of me forgets that I'm only 19, I don't have to have done it all already. I still have plenty of life left to live, and if I'm not enjoying myself at all, what is the point? My family has told me that I put too much pressure on myself, my friends have said I make too many rules, others have said the things I do are pointless. I wouldn't go so far as to say that, because many of the rules I set for myself have such great purpose, but sometimes, yes, I am punishing myself unnecessarily.

I am sick of feeling guilty every time I drive my car, which is usually only once a week. I've loved sleeping in my tent, hearing the rain at night, feeling the breeze, crawling into a sleeping bag, but I'm also a little tired of waking up freezing or sweating, brushing spiders and earwigs off of my clothes, and having a puddle on my blanket from forgetting to zip the window shut before I fell asleep.

And as I went through those pages of lists of rules that I made for the summer, many of them I actually did stick by. I feel that I lead an intentional life this summer, and I will continue to. But I also need to give myself a little grace and remember that I can't do it all.

Gotta remember my Papa, who taught me to never take life too seriously. 

[Thoughts]

I am a firm believer that the more we practice gratitude, the happier we are, and the better we become at it. So I'm going to try to make it a weekly part of my blog. These are the ways I've been blessed this week.

I am grateful for...
...the warm weather and nightly storms.
...the most comfortable couch in the world that I take naps on almost daily.
...my patient, forgiving, and determined mother.
...a refridgerator constantly stocked with food, which is not an easy task.
...Christmas in July.
...all of the wonderful souls I can laugh with at work.
...M, who gives me all kinds of perspective on life, and reminds me to be patient, gentle, loving, and attentive.
...legs to get me from here to there.
...laughter with Skylar, even when we're apart.
...encouragement from my sister for my Tri, both before and after.
...peanut butter balls.

"I will fight to forever to make it right." [J.B.]

Over the weekend, my eyes were opened to how truly blessed I am. 

Before the triathlon, in my corral 

Sparkling grape juice

Delicious crepes made by Lara!

Marisa, Lara, and Lara's chair she loves so much.

Love these two!

Friends are such a blessing. 

This girl couldn't be any more beautiful.

Beach lovin'

Photocredit: Jamie Buss

Friday
...As I often do (and am extremely grateful that I do), I spent Friday night with my mother. 
...The two of us went to a MobilePack, a volunteer event put on to help the mission of Feed My Starving Children. We got to spend two hours learning about the organization, wearing awesome hairnets, screaming "soy!" at the top of our lungs, and most importantly, helping to package over 50,000 meals for those in need. Did you know that the world produces enough food to feed everyone over 2,800 calories a day? And yet, so many people are starving. It would be a dream to someday work for this organization in some capacity, especially as part of their mission is to do the work of God. 
...After grabbing a wrap at Copper Rock, we headed home for an early bedtime to prepare for the next morning. 

Saturday
...I woke up before 6, so obviously this was a pretty significant day. It was time for the long-awaited (and partially dreaded) Fremont Triathlon. 
...After registering and checking out the course, I did my (newly established) pre-race ritual of listening to J-Biebs, eating a peanut butter wrap, and tattooing my arm. 
...The race was nothing short of challenging, encouraging, and a blast. I loved the swim, and I'm proud to say I lead my heat. The biking was hardest for sure, and it was easy to get discouraged on the long ride, but oftentimes fellow triathletes would shout encouraging things at me as they passed me on the course. The run was a blur. Figuratively of course, I couldn't have been going more than 6 mph, but I don't really remember it that well. 
...My co-workers were there to lifeguard and they all stayed to cheer me on and encourage me throughout the race, which was a huge blessing. 
...After the exhausting morning, I went home to get ready with Marisa and Lara for our picnic. We had crepes, bread and brie, sparkling grape juice, veggie pizza, dip and crackers, and I had a peach. It was sooo good and we were full to the bursting for the next few hours. 
...We spent the night in Marisa's basement watching movies and dumb TV shows. I did some work for RHA and then we all went home. 

Sunday
...I got up early for church and my first week of volunteering with the babies. They were so adorable and I just love holding little ones. 
...I picked up Skylar and was able to meet his dad and stepmom before we left for Milwaukee. 
...Skylar and I picked up Jamie and got to see Hannah, Margo, and Ryan! It was pretty great. 
...The three of us spent the day in Milwaukee, walking on the beach, drinking yummy coffee, and eating at Panera. 
...Skylar and I dropped Jamie off so she could watch Bachelorette, and then we drove back home, stopping near Mayville to talk in a park. 

"A bicycle does get you there and more.... And there is always the thin edge of danger to keep you alert and comfortably apprehensive. Dogs become dogs again and snap at your raincoat; potholes become personal. And getting there is all the fun." [Bill Emerson]

Dear Dad- Thanks for leaving me with a bike that's just my height. So glad I was able to put over 100 miles on it already this summer. Dear Racerback Tan Line- You may not be the most attractive look ever, but you are proof that I have been running, swimming, and biking out in the sunshine this summer and that makes me really joyous. Also, I'm pretty sure that chlorine mixed with sweat is the most delicious perfume ever. Dear Lara- I started listening to Of Monsters and Men today thanks to you and I am in lurrrve. I am giddy just thinking about the fact that we are going to be going to school together this fall. I don't know what I'd do without you after this wonderful summer we've had. 


Humanity High:  One of the little buggers in my swimming lesson this morning just lives to contradict me, defy me, and be all-around difficult. When I asked the kids to walk down to the shallow end and pick up the three piles of kickboards on the way, he picked up all three. There's something special about you, kid. Thanks for reminding me that there's good in everyone. 

"You can still do something..." [Jamie Buss]

You know why best friends are so great? Because sometimes they say exactly what you need to hear. (Even if it's not exactly what you want to hear.) 

That's what happened this Sunday, when I was visiting Jamie. We were sitting outside, discussing our future, as we often do, and I said that I wanted to do something next summer. Like really do something with my summer.  Jamie stopped me and said "You can still do something this summer." I sort of shrugged it off, said I suppose she might be right, but didn't really believe what she was saying. 


But I guess it got me thinking. I pretty much have spent this summer thinking I've been doing nothing with my summer, with my life, and I've been doing little to change that. However, looking back, I have done quite a lot, maybe not anything horribly noteworthy, but I've made goals and accomplished them, and that's something. 


More importantly, Jamie changed my outlook, and my actions, regarding the rest of the summer. I am not going to sit here and waste each day. I am going to crack down on that summer bucket list. I am going to intentionally make a difference in people's lives. I am going to check off every last ambition on my crafting list. I am going to take that backpacking trip because my heart yearns for it. I am going to do another simplifying month, not because I feel like I have to or because I like rules, but because it's something I've been genuinely wanting to do this summer. 


Ending with the words of one of my favorite wise men. 


"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." - Henry David Thoreau


What are you doing to chase after your dreams? Are you living the life you have imagined for yourself? It's not too late to change, it is never too late to become that person you see yourself being. 

“It is only a slight exaggeration to say that happiness is the experience of spending time with people you love and who love you.” [Daniel Kahneman]

Over the weekend, I got to spend hours in the car, as a means to see so many people I love.

 Funfetti cake, delicious buttercream frosting(that I ate by the spoonful), and Jamie's stylin' apron.

Stargazing during the day is kind of the best.

On our adventure!

Peace. Love. Water.

Exploring! The tree in the distance is the one we climbed over.

Friday
...I stayed at home and made about 5 homemade cards for various needs... pretty excited about how my wedding card/envelope turned out.
...My mom and I spent the evening eating a late dinner of grilled homemade pizza and peaches and watching this thriller.
...I enjoyed a bowl of Reece's Puffs before heading out to sleep in the (much cooler) tent.

Saturday
...After work, I headed over to Mara's and she did my hair for the wedding while we drank mango juice and ate pastries.
...I had lunch (with a peach of course), got ready, and drove off to the wedding in Sheboygan.
...Skylar met me downtown and we drove to the wedding together. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful. Everything was so well done, and I was bursting with excitement to see my friend Hannah walking down the aisle in a bridesmaid dress. Next time I see her coming down the aisle, I will be up front and she will be wearing white. I am so excited for my dear friend.
...The reception was a blast! From dancing, to barefoot soccer (in a dress, I might add), to floating lanterns, it was a night to remember. Hannah, Joel, and Skylar all got along really well, which was really gratifying.
...I spent the night at Hannah's old house in Sheboygan, so thankful for a bed and some air conditioning after a long, hot night.

Sunday
...After sleeping in, we sat around the house, chatting, eating, and watching mine and Hannah's remake of this movie intro. We made it two and a half years ago, and it was amusing (ahem, embarrassing) to say the least.
...I left Sheboygan Milwaukee-bound, to see my best friend before her birthday. (Which is today! Happy Birthday Jamie!)
...We had an absolutely perfect day. We baked a birthday cake, laid outside and ate cherries, went on a crazy fun adventure which involved crawling across a broken tree over a river and hopping rock to rock to get back, and had an amazing dinner of ratatouille sandwiches followed by fro-yo.
...I drove back home late that night, memorizing the raps from this song and this song to stay awake.

I am looking forward to a FULL week of seeing many more of my friends, starting some volunteer work, and trying my first tri. 

Cookies, Sunflowers, and Running

Today was a mash-up of oddities. 

A bit of a flour mishap...

I decided to bake cookies for work, to encourage the staff and to thank those that have subbed for me. (Gotta show the love!) I made oatmeal raisin, by request of Maddie and Zach, the two coworkers I probably spend the most time with. I was pretty proud of the delicious recipe I found, and the first batch came out great. 

While the dough was chilling, I went out to the garden to look at the new growth. I was elated to find a sunflower that had grown spontaneously in the garden, and was now nearly as tall as myself. I also admired the tomato and rhubarb plants, and got really excited for homemade strawberry rhubarb sauce. I checked out the four tiny eggplants that have begun to grow, a new addition to our garden this year. I think its the vegetarianism that inspired that request. My mama's garden makes me so happy, I just hope I can one day find the time, energy, and inspiration for gardening like she does. 

After baking the cookies, it was time for my run. It would be my first time running in about a month, so I was nervous to say the least. I tried to have no expectations for myself, as that would just lead to frustration, but it's impossible to go out on a run expecting nothing. So I laced up my shoes (it felt so good to have those back on), grabbed my ipod, put on some Justin Bieber, and set out. I felt ten pounds heavier. 5 pounds I blame on my newfound baking addiction and all of the tacos I ate in Texas. 5 pounds was fear. But, as life sometimes goes, it really wasn't that big of a deal. I ran a mile. Stopped. Ran a half mile. And walked the rest of the way home. No big accomplishment, no big failure. 

Grocery shopping!

When I got home, my dog had managed to eat 25 of the 40 cookies. Good job Chaya. I whipped up a new batch in record time so I could bring them to work. Then I went grocery shopping for all of the delicious fruits and veggies I would need to start my juice cleanse tomorrow. (I have no idea if these have any actual benefits, I'm just doing it because I like juice and I like a good challenge.)

Texas Adventures; The End of the Road

                         [day one] [day two] [day three] [day four] [day five] [day six] [day seven]

My flight home in about 3 hours marks the end of my travels here to Texas, for now at least. I had an incredible time and the trip far exceeded my expectations in every way. I am ready to be home though, even though I will miss being here. 

Top Five Reasons Why I Want to Stay in Austin
5. Waking up in the most comfortable bed, opening the blinds, sitting on the porch with a cup of coffee. 
4. The amazing weather.
3. The beauty of a new place and all of the photos I can take of it
2. Getting to spend time with Garrett
1. Pei Wei

Top Five Reasons Why I Am Excited to Go Home
5. Returning to work, most importantly, seeing my Maddie.
4. I get to see my mama.
3. I get to start running and biking again (first time in almost a month!).
2. This weekend I am hopefully seeing two of my best friends, Jamie and Hannah!
1. Appleton is a lot closer to Skylar's house than Austin is.

Texas Adventures; Day Seven

[day one] [day two] [day three] [day four] [day five] [day six] [end of the road]

Bike/run/walk trail

Austin skyline from the trail

Next to the gazebo

Home Slice Margarita Pizza

Hotel San Jose

SoCo

Hey Cupcake!

Dam. Storm.

Today I got to explore Austin solo. Garrett dropped me off in SoCo, but because most of the shops were closed still, I went to a grocery store and got some iced tea. Then I walked the trail next to Lady Bird Lake and took some pictures. I found a gazebo with some men snoozing and reading and I joined them, reading Pillars of the Earth. I headed into downtown and stopped at some local boutiques as well as Urban Outfitters just to kill some time. 

Around 11 I headed to Jo's for coffee and read my book while I was waiting to meet up with Mr. Aamot. I had told him I would be in the city, asking for some suggestions for good coffee, and he asked to join me. We sat in Jo's for a while chatting and then he drove us to Whole Foods, because apparently I was missing out on a big part of the Austin experience by not going to this Whole Foods. We then just drove around the city, listening to country music, and seeing more of the local favorites. 

Mr. Aamot dropped me off back in SoCo, where I stopped at Home Slice for a delicious lunch. Then I shopped the different stores along the street. I found a ring at a shop called Parts and Labour, and I am stoked because it fits both my thumb and my pointer finger, bonus! I spent probably two hours in Uncommon Objects, an antique-based shop filled with random goods. I finished my walk along SoCo by stopping by Hey Cupcake! and getting a delicious vanilla/chocolate cupcake. 

Garrett picked me up and we headed to Torchy's Taco trailer where I had a most delicious portabella mushroom taco. We then drove around UT, aka Hogwarts, before leaving the city. We were stuck in traffic for about an hour, and spent half of our driving storm running. We decided that we were going to start a hit new show called storm runners; it's like storm chasers only you run from the storm and you win if you get home before the rain. (We won.) It was pretty scary but also pretty hysterical. 

I fly out of weird Austin tomorrow, heading back to reality. More on that tomorrow. 

Currently listening to: Long Hot Summer
Currently reading: My bank account balance...scary stuff
Currently sporting: A rockin' silverware ring
Funniest conversation of the day: Mr. Aamot "I drive a lot, and you gotta listen to country music when you drive." Me "Yeah I totally agree! That and Justin Bieber" Mr. Aamot "I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that. You lost me at J-" Me "Hey, you started it. You're the one that made us sing 'Baby' at the Northside concert." Mr. Aamot "True. It was good. You couldn't help but join in singing." 

Texas Adventures; Day Six

                   [day one] [day two] [day three] [day four] [day five] [day seven] [end of the road]

All of my pictures are of food today. Completely raw, unedited. 

For the first time since I got here, Garrett and I did almost nothing, and it was perfect. I slept in, spent the morning sitting around drinking coffee, read my book, and called my mother. After drinking more fresh juice, I decided I should probably go to the clinic for pink eye. Oops. (Mono, cold, ear infection, pink eye, all in three weeks.) 

We ate peanut butter and egg sandwiches, with berries on the side for lunch. I also munched on some pickled beans, pretty sure I ate half a jar this week. Garrett prepped some crab cakes and then we watched Contagion, a pretty gripping movie. I talked to Hannah on the phone and I am so excited to see my girl this weekend! 

 We ate a dinner of crab cakes (complete with greens, avocado, creole tarter, and toasted buns), accompanied by lemonade and more pickled beans. After our delicious dinner we watched We Bought A Zoo. I guess it was just a Matt Damon kind of Sunday. A great way to spend a raining day in Texas. 

Currently listening to: This soundtrack

Currently reading: A map of Austin, for my day of exploring tomorrow

Currently sporting: glasses, unfortunately, for the next few days

New favorite quote: “You know, sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just literally 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”

- Matt Damon; We Bought a Zoo

Texas Adventures; Day Five

[day one] [day two] [day three] [day four] [day six] [day seven] [end of the road]

Garretts and I in front of the Alamo.

Garrett on the River Walk

Garrett and I on the beautiful bridge

El Mercardo

The boys in El Mercado

Garrett and I dancing... also one of the seven weddings we saw/walked through that day

San Jose Mission

San Jose Mission

One of Garrett's senior pictures

Today was our trip to San Antonio and it was quite eventful. Garrett and I drove into Austin to pick up Garrett and the three of us hit the road for San Antonio. We started out the morning touring the Alamo, backwards. We heard about the history from some historic reenactment actors, read the timeline, visited the library and gift shop, took plenty of pictures, and walked through the shrine. 

After the Alamo, we headed for the River Walk, which is lined with shops and restaurants and plenty of beautiful trees. We ate lunch in a delicious mexican restaurant where I was obsessed with the chipotle coleslaw. We walked the River Walk for the rest of the afternoon, taking pictures, watching the tourist taxis, and sweating in the heat. We ended up leaving the River Walk and headed to El Mercado, a loud, vibrant, hispanic market bursting with music and life. We wandered around looking at the different shops and watching old women dance to the salsa music. 

We then headed back near the River Walk to a place called La Villita, a collection of small shops and art galleries that sold local art. It was probably one of my favorite parts of the day, and I found a birthday gift for the bestie there. We then walked to HemisFair park, the location of the 1968 World's Fair. We made it back to the car, hot and exhausted. 

We drove out to the San Jose Mission, which was absolutely beautiful and so amazing to look at, but unfortunately it closed shortly after we got there. We got back onto the highway, intending to head back to Austin, but got sidetracked quite a few times. We stopped at Buc-ees, a giant convience store that we ended up spending close to half an hour in, just looking around. After Buc-ees, we stopped at a ginormous outlet mall, where we shopped for a few hours. We all left with a few shirts, hungry stomachs, and tired feet. We drove back to Austin where we stopped for dinner (at 9:30) at Pei Wei, the most amazing place ever. It's sort of like an asian version of noodles and company/panera. Plus they had this touch screen soda machine so I got raspberry/vanilla diet coke and it was freaking delicious. I was pretty bummed knowing that I wouldn't be able to go to Pei Wei back home. 

After being gone for about 13 hours, we got back into the city, dropped Garrett off at his apartment, drove home, made some hot chocolate, and watched this movie. I was pretty tired and was glad to finally get to bed. 

Currently listening to: My new favorite song
Currently reading: Pillars of the Earth
Currently sporting: Jamie's beautiful pink & lace dress from H&M
Favorite part of San Antonio: The cypress trees along the River Walk 

Texas Adventures; Day Four

[day one] [day two] [day three] [day five] [day six] [day seven] [end of the road]

The creepy giant fish that come up by the dock.

Searching for seashells

Peace. Love. Boating. 

Searching for driftwood

Poolside

Rocking with the roof down

Normal by day, ninjas by night.

This morning I woke up to Garrett bursting into my room and shouting "GET UP, GET UP WE'RE GOING ON THE BOAT!" As annoying as it was, I did grouch enough to get a cup of coffee and a egg and avocado sandwich out of the deal. We watched the Today show, as per usual, I blogged while Garrett worked, and then we put on our swimsuits, packed up some snacks, and headed out to the Lake. We also made fun of these videos, calling them the crack house and the lonely girl chills in her backyard. 

We spent the day at Lake Travis, boating around, swimming when it was anchored, and climbing around on shore. I got driftwood and seashells for some crafts that I want to do back home that I'm very excited about. It was so nice just relaxing in the sun and I definitely got some tan lines and freckles today. (Yes, I DO in fact tan, even though I am a redhead.) It was just a spectacular time outside and I got to swim which is basically my first work out in three weeks. After boating we hung out by the pool eating snacks and just enjoying the cool water. 

After spending so much time outside in the sun, we headed back home and skyped Jillian on the floor. Then we made stir-fry, cleaned the kitchen, and chilled on the couch. We then drove to get some fro-yo and ate it near an outdoor stage, of course lit up by strings of overhead bulbs. We ended the night by watching this movie and headed to bed early for our eventful day tomorrow. 

Currently listening to: Winter's Bone soundtrack
Currently reading: My favorite blog
Currently sporting: Bracelets Jamie bought me in Europe
Favorite fro-yo combo: Anything with chocolate chips and strawberries