[Letters]

This is a more regular occurrence than it should be. 

Watching the guys at 420. 

Dear Dad- T-minus 6 days until your favorite holiday. My-oh-my how I will miss coming down in the morning and drinking coffee with you and sharing the couch with you. Thanks for teaching me the importance of celebrating. Dear 3 Humble Dudes from Eau Claire - You guys played a pretty stellar set last night at open mic. I really like hearing you three share your musical talents; you inspire me. Dear Finals Week - Sometimes I pick up way too many work shifts during you, which doesn't leave me much time to study when obviously I need to be social as well. There's always next semester for solid grades. Dear Toes and Fingers - Sometimes I wonder if you'll ever be warm. I usually buy hot drinks for the sole (haha, get it?) purpose of helping you out. I also fantasize about pouring hot coffee directly into my socks on the daily. Also, fingers, you are currently sporting 10 different colors of nail polish; I dig it. Dear Friends - This strange week means I get to see a lot more of some of you (Jordan, Maddie, and the guys), but a lot less of some of you. Why can't I have the best of both worlds? #hannahmontanaprobs

[Over the Weekend]

I am thankful…

...for surprise dates with Luke that include authentic delis, absolutely magical sleigh rides, sitting by three fires, and of course, eating ice cream, drinking coffee and watching Wes Anderson. 
…for curfews and actually getting sleep lately.
...for Saturday morning caf dates with my best friend Molly.
...for afternoons at Racy's spent journaling with hot coffee watching the slow snow.
...for the Governor's community and our annual white elephant exchange.
...for Jenna and the way we connect. I think we could spend hours talking and never run out of things to talk about. She is so wise.
...for gift cards from appreciative friends and learning how to receive love in this way.
…for oranges, always for oranges.
...for christmas lights, especially when set to music.
...for difficult conversations that span for days, truth that triumphs over lies, and giving up everything to God when I realize I just can't do it on my own. 
...for Jordan, who saved my butt when I was making these brownies today and who I know genuinely cares when she asks how I am doing. 
...for a life worth celebrating. 
...for spontaneous fireworks that made an adventure/fake birthdate the most magical evening of all.
...for moonlit tromping in the snowy woods and harvested corn fields. 
...for finding out exciting news. and sort of unrelated: for Ariel and the time we get to spend together.
...for Alexi, and how our blogs have basically become secret notes to each other. (I love you dearly).
...for moments of intimacy with God and realizing how he truly is the only one who can satisfy.

[Gratitude]

Some days, I am just overwhelmed by how much God loves me. I should be thanking him every single day for all that he does for me, but my offerings are meager in contrast to his greatness. 

I am thankful…

…for good earth tea that soothes my sore, once again sick, throat. 
…for mornings I can sleep in and move slowly.
…for ASL classes that only last 20 minutes.
…for that abandoned room with green walls whose corners have held me as I've cried.
…for scripture and truth sent in times of great need.
…for sunny rooms and honest conversations with Jordan.
…for finally being able to see my dear sister, Molly.
…for Alexi hugs and how she makes me feel like the most important person on earth whenever I see her.
…that I can watch Holland and Coral laugh together and have my heart be lightened. 
…for afternoons spent in Davies, leaning against Ariel's legs, getting a back massage, and discussing some of the scarier things of our lives, but claiming that Jesus is greater.
…for Yui, because he covers me up with his giant puffy coat when I am freezing. 
…for Coral and the way she so willingly and honestly shares. I am so blessed by that girl and really hopeful that we can have a blogging community party next week with many of our lovely friends. 
…that I continue to be pursued by a Godly man who challenges me, cares for me, and makes me laugh until my sides hurt. His sense of adventure and willingness to encourage my orange obsession bless me.
…for spontaneous thankful, hopeful, and how-God-is-working lists with Michelle when life seems gloomy.
…for coming home to paper snowflakes taped to my door with bible verses written on them. 
…for ab ripper with Ben and Luke that brought me way back to last April and made me see how far we've all come. So grateful for these two. Also, my hip flexors hurt and I won't be able to walk tomorrow. 
…for my bible study. I was almost in tears tonight as I realized how much I just love being with these people, my sisters, my friends. They question, they laugh, they make me laugh, and they have insights that blow me out of the water. They also give me candy, which rocks. 
…for a God who consistently pursues me and works towards my transformation even when I don't remember or acknowledge it. He is a redeemer. He is a friend. His promises are trustworthy and true. 

For that I am infinitely grateful. 

[Gratitude]

I am thankful…

…for fat snowflakes that fall on my head and cover the ground and make for great Christmas spirit!
…for boys that let me play football with them, even when I can't throw as far as them and sometimes my fingers freeze and I do the splits sliding in the snow.
…for Jordan Gilbertson; her touches, her snapchats, and the way that she always makes me feel so welcomed and loved whenever I walk into James' room. 
…for the "Good News of Great Joy" advent devotional and how much it is blowing me away every single day. "Do not think, because you experience adversity, that the hand of the Lord is shortened. It is not our prosperity but our holiness that he seeks with all his heart." 
…for this boy and the poetry he creates and the art he sees and the ways he inspires me.
…for skylight and being able to see Alexi and Anna and receive love from them through touch and through words. 
…for a blogging community with Ariel and Alexi and how excited we get about each other's blogs.
…for Justin Weber and the words of encouragement and affirmation he speaks into me. Also, the way that he cares for me by making me tea and throwing away my tissues when I miss the trash.
…for the ability to focus and get work done these past few days.
…for this three hour medley of Christmas songs that just gets me in the spirit and reminds me of evenings with my friends. 
…for phone conversations with my mother when life is good and we get to rejoice in that together.
…for God providing all kinds of crazy opportunities when I clear my schedule and let him have all of my time.
…for Christmas trees! Alllll the Christmas trees.
…for being able to look forward to Racy's dates when I have ants in my pants. 
…for Beautiful Eulogy and the lyrics to According to God that pretty much speak my thoughts. 
…for Wednesday afternoons with Michelle and all that she teaches me and our exploration of our love languages and what that looks like in our lives. 
…for honest breakfasts with Ashley and the way we can laugh about our similarities.
…for paper snowflakes, Christmas socks, and Christmas twine. 
…for prayer nights that recenter our hearts on Paul's words in Romans 9 and remind us to give up control.
…for a bible study that isn't afraid to ask questions, a co-leader that isn't afraid to speak truth and put her beliefs into words, and a group of friends who can pray for and support each other.

[Gratitude: For This City]

I spent most of my weekend at home, in Appleton. I have been reconciling myself to this city as well. God has begun to give me his heart for this place. I have been lamenting the brokenness of my city, the abuse, the poverty, the greed, the selfishness.

But I see that He is not absent. He is present here. God is at work. 

There are beautiful parts about my city as well.
I find beauty in the kindness of the workers at the Y, which became a home and a haven for me in high school.
I find beauty in the weekly farmers market downtown on Saturday mornings.
I find beauty in the trails in Memorial and Plamann parks.
I find beauty in the creation of productions at my high school, especially Holiday Classics.
I find beauty in the Thrivent bike trail and the way families seem to flock there to the point where I can't go there without seeing someone I know.
I find beauty in Mrs. Reich's EBD classroom as the children there learn more about what it means to be loved than anything academic.
I find beauty in the way this city gets around Christmas; the bright lights, the decorated downtown, the Christmas parade filled with families and runners and little ones, and the tree in city park.
I find beauty in the way God sees this city, in the way he is going to redeem it, in the way he will make this place new as he brings restoration to all of creation.

[Inspiration]

i don't have to create poetry
it already exists in the world around me

i see poetry
in coming home to a room lit with christmas lights
in bowls of hot soup and rolls at my favorite coffee shop
in mugs filled with holiday lattes, hot apple cider, and weak coffee

i see poetry
in friends-turned-sisters who will call and talk
even when it's 11pm and i'm doing dishes
and i don't really have anything to say
i just wanted to hear her voice

i see poetry
in the father who wears long underwear
because he knows his kids like the house cold
in the brother who brings his uncles good beer
and patiently teaches his sister how to make chocolate mousse

i see poetry
in the cousin who bakes a half-dozen loaves of her mother's bread
so there's enough for us to all take one home
in the cousin who used to sit me on his lap when I was a young child
and tell me of his desire for children,
now gently lay his hand on his wife's pregnant belly

i see poetry
in three generations
grandmother, mother, granddaughter
lying on the floor of the living room
sharing and laughing and digesting from the full meal

i see poetry
in my two uncles, brothers that remain
sitting in the kitchen to make room for us to eat
one who stays late to do the dishes
one whose eye's fill with tears at every toast
as he remembers the loss of his parents and three brothers

i see poetry
in the grandmother who watches a video
of her granddaughter seven times in one night
and will show it to anyone willing to watch
pride and love and a hint of loneliness shining in her eyes

i see poetry
in a family that has experienced great loss
that knows of pain and grief and death
but sees the beauty, the soul necessity, of coming together
and knows of celebration and joy and new life

i see poetry
in rolling out homemade dough on a floured countertop
in slicing green apples and carefully measuring cups of flour
in writing new ingredients in the margins of old recipes
in the process of creating

i see poetry
in the big things that are deemed small
in the hardship and the fulfillment
in celebration and in joy
because of all the good things a good God gives

i see poetry
in the world around me
and so i give thanks