[Farewell Letters]

"A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops." 

[Henry Brooks Adams]

Letters for my teachers and students today :)

Dear Dad- I really miss you around, your smiling face, your sense of humor, and your outlook on life. I miss you and love you so much. Dear Mr. Eastman- I don't know where to begin. I love your passion for teaching, for your students, and for life. I look forward to your class everyday, not just for it's content, but also to see you and listen to your crazy antics. You have been one of the most influential people in my life, and I am so glad you're my teacher. I love our sixth hour chats and that I can come to you with anything. You are so encouraging and you take pride in knowing your students. Thank you for being such an amazing teacher and human being. Dear Mr. Ramponi- You are such an extraordinary teacher. You have taught me not only about literature, but about life. You are an incredible story teller, and you have such a great sense of humor. Thank you for looking out for me and putting yourself out there; you were the first one and I will always remember that. Dear Mrs. Klunder- The tears in our eyes matched when you gave me my gold star today. Thank you so much for understanding and appreciating what I've been through. Your intelligence, determination, and spunk make me excited and hopeful for my future. Thank you for the endless hours you've put in to teach me calculus, and for not giving up on me even when I was ready to call it quit. Dear Mr. Aamot- Craig. We've spent nearly 900 class periods together. I cannot believe that today was next to last. Even though you have many flaws, I still love you. You have an interesting sense of humor, sense of style, and a personality that I don't think anyone could pin down. You have taught me so much about music, looking outside myself, and about reaching out to others. Dear Mrs. Crockford- I have learned so much from you this year, and you should be proud that most of it is through observation. From watching you I have learned how to handle even the most difficult of situations, students, and parents. I have loved working with you, and I think it will give me invaluable experience for my future. Dear First Graders- I will miss you little peanuts more than I can express. Each of you has such a different learning style, sense of humor, temperament, and way of thinking. I have learned so much from each of you, and it truly saddens me that I won't be there to watch you all grow into amazing men and women. You have touched my heart in a way that I still don't understand.


P.S. This year has been a year of learning. I can thank each and every one of my teachers for getting me through this incredibly difficult year I've had, each in their own way. I have also learned from all of them that teaching is indubitably what I want to do with my life. To touch the life of another is of infinite value.

[Letters]

"Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product." [Eleanor Roosevelt]

Dear Dad- I ended up with an A in calculus! If you were here this would DEFINITELY mean chinese. Now mom and I are vegetarians(sort of), so that would be no fun. Miss you. Dear V-Men- You guys are so hot. Thank you for FINALLY doing Tunnel of Love! It rocked our world. You even made up an adorable song for us. WE LOVE YOU! Dear Favorite Teacher- Today you told us two stories of how you SAVED PEOPLE'S LIVES, and a story about the BEST PRANK EVER. Plus you gave us tattoos for tattoo Friday.  As if I needed any more reasons to like you. 




P.S. Life rocks, and the sun is out today :) 

[Letters]

I apologize for not blogging for almost a week, but I haven't been in the right mindset. I have been sleepy, troubled, and sick. Here I am, once again, ready to write my heart out. Enjoy the extra letters today!

Dear Dad- Life has just been weird without you here. You should have been here before prom, awkwardly videotaping me struggling with Finn's boutineer. You should have been at Rachel's graduation with the tears that only occasionally visit your eyes, accompanied by the words that mean so much to us, "I'm so proud of you." You should be here so that mom and I aren't vegetarians, eating beans and vegetables for every meal. I miss you. Dear Finn- Thank you for working your butt of on our ghost story video that you aren't even a part of. I can't believe you've a. put up with me nagging you b. given up larping TWICE and c. worked around all of the technical difficulties. You truly are a gentleman. I probably owe you 10 boxes of charleston chews for this. Dear 4 Extra Hours of Sleep This Morning- You were absolutely blissful. It was so worth missing a few classes just to lay in my warm, comfortable bed. All I had to do was get sick. Dear Hanners- Thank you for the wonderful wall post today, I miss you so much. I'm going to be crazy happy if we can skype tonight. I miss your face woman! Dear Italy Trip- You are approaching faster than a speeding bullet! I just hope I can get myself put together and packed before the plane takes off. [Insert squeals of excitement and nervousness here]


P.S. I have had an apology tugging on my subconscious for days. I felt anger, hatred, and sadness whenever I was reminded about this particular incident. A friend gave me the advice to just apologize. Could it really be that simple? Even if I knew I was only partially in the wrong, would a few words really make that much of a difference? The minute after I finally apologized, I instantly felt my feelings overall, and especially towards that person, shift. I was no longer angry or upset or guilty. It was the most freeing thing. 

[Letters]

"There is no such beauty as where you belong; Rise up, follow me, I will lead you home." [The Road Home]

Dear Daddy- Last night at the North Choir party our song was playing. It made me miss you more than I'll miss everyone in choir combined. Dear Choir- I think that because this is the third time you're mentioned in this post, it shows how crazy important you are. Every jem of a memory in highschool comes from you. Friday stories, trips, Holiday Classics, aamot speeches, Celtic Women, our sexy velvets, the Compassion Project (the most meaningful and community-effected events I have been a part of), hunky v-men, North Choir parties (complete with ting sings), tears, smiles, and most importantly, friendships and music. Not a day goes by that I am not utterly joyful and thankful to be part of something so incredible. I love each and every person I have gotten to know through choir. There is so much more to say, but I think it would be impossible to express the unspoken beauty;  the pulling of your soul during a particular phrase, the way so much is said in just catching someone's eye during Road Home, and the sheer humanity of opening your heart and letting the music flow freely. Dear Sunshine- I feel like you get many letters, but today I especially appreciate your warmth, as well as your ability to give me my freckles once again. 


P.S. It is interesting that we invest so much time and energy into relationships, even though we know they eventually have to come to an end. Is it because we are simply looking at short-term happiness, and we are unable to see the long-term ramifications? Or is it human nature; we need to have meaningful relationships in our lives so we can continue living? 

[Letters]

"Where there is perfection there is no story to tell." [Ben Okri]

Dear Dad- You're missing prom, graduation, and sending me off to Italy. I can't even express how much this makes me miss you. Dear Mara Lane- Thank you for listening to and understanding my tribulations. My stomach ulcers are very grateful that I finally spoke about what was irking me. Dear Garrett- I'm so glad we finally got to skype yesterday, it's been ages since we've talked! It's good to know we can go months without talking and pick up right where we left off. Also, I'm really excited for you and all of the new things you're experiencing this summer in Cali. 


P.S. Perfectionism is a scary thing. It is such an easy trap to fall into. One moment I'm just doing everything the way it's supposed to be done, on time and in the right order, and the next thing I know, every thought is based on being "perfect." The only thing that matters is how others view me. I need them to look at me and see someone who "has it all together." Who is intelligent, a hard worker, a good daughter and friend, someone who says and does the all the right things. Well I am stepping down. I'm not perfect, and I'm not supposed to be. Life should not revolve around what others think of me. I am ready to find strength in pain and beauty in imperfection. 

[Letters]

Dear Dad- If you were here I'd be talking your ear off during dinnertime, playing high card, and fighting with you for the computer. I miss you. Dear First Grade Art Project- How is it that a picture of a pig on a bed can make my nerves so on edge? Maybe it's the fact that I have to show 24 first graders with varying attention levels how to make 3 birds, a pig, a bed, crackers, and a tv, all with paper that I may or may not have precut correctly. Dear The Next Month Of My Life- Has there been a crazier month? I have 2 choir concerts, the compassion project, 4 projects, a calc final, prom, my sister's graduation, a memorial weekend trip, my graduation, and Italy. ITS GOING TO BE SO AWESOME! Right now it's mostly just stressful.


P.S. I have been far too introspective today, to the point where being philosophical for one more moment may just make my brain implode.  

[Letters]

Dear Dad- It is raining today. I'm going to miss mulching, mowing, and just in general gardening with you this year. I have so many memories of Saturdays spent working outside, raking, pulling weeds, cleaning the gutters; it's crazy, but I think I'm really going to miss doing it with you this year. Dear Mr. Ramp- Your ghost story today really had everyone going. Personally, I think you read this on some website and you're just seeing if you can fool us. But then again, I don't even believe in ghosts. Dear Veggie Wrap- You are still the most delicious combination of cheese, peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, pickles, and lettuce. I'm really going to miss your gratifying taste when I graduate. [24 days!]


P.S. I really wanted a brighter/more summery background. Also, blue and green are my favorite colors, and dandelions make me smile. Tell me what you think!

[Letters]

"But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine." [Thomas Jefferson]

Dear Dad- I miss just having you around the house. I miss hearing you walking around downstairs at one in the morning while I'm upstairs still awake. Dear Lara- You did a FABULOUS job being a techie/costumer in Secret in the Wings. You deserve the flowers. Also, thank you for reading my blog faithfully, not being embarassed when I scream "what did you order, a whale?" in the Toms drive through, and most importantly, being a wonderful friend. (You are also a wonderful baker, and I can't wait until I get my hands on some birthday brownies I think you owe me.) Dear Spring- Thank you for blessing us with a warm, sunny day, I even got a little sunburn on my shoulders!


P.S. I watched Shutter Island, which inevitably ended up freaking me out and giving me the heebie jeebies. But honestly, what was I afraid of? That some schizophrenic person from a 1950's psych ward was going to come drown me?

[Letters]

Dear Dad- I watched Pirates one & two today, and I was just thinking about how we went to see the third one together. You were seriously as confused as I was on that one, and that is saying something! I miss watching our action movies together. Dear bestfriend- Thank you for being there for me today, even though it included you almost being spilled on with BLOOD, risking your life in the car when I drove, putting up with Julie the cookie lady, and probably being bored out of your mind for at least 2 hours. You deserve 100 dollars of my love for that. Dear Mindy- Your spunky, crazy personality really made donating plasma today so much better. Thanks for keeping me calm, explaining the whole process, and keeping a giant smile on my face the whole time. 


P.S. Whats crazy about the whole process of giving plasma is that the most painful part is the stupid finger prick that they do to check if you have enough iron. You have to sit there with blood being pumped in and out of your body for an hour, with a grand finale of icy goo being pumped back in. You get giant needles stuck in your arm. You have to pay attention and squeeze a ball whenever the machine "chirps" or else you get out of the "green zone" and then you're in big trouble. Then after they yank the needles out and wrap your skin in sticky tape, you finally get to eat some cookies and get your "survivor" sticker. After all of that I feel just fine, but my stupid middle finger is killing me from a tiny prick.

[Letters]

"Respect for another man's opinion is worthy. It is the realization that any opinion is valuable, for it is the sign of a rational being." [Sargent Shriver]

Dear Dad- I miss your beard and your sense of humor and your crutches and your crazy Saturday morning mohawks. Dear Crest Whitestrips(my secret weapon)- When I get 50% more whitestrips FREE, a $10 sale, and a $10 coupon, I KNOW I've run into a stellar deal. Thanks to you I am going to have pearrrrrly whites! Dear Prom- You cause SO MUCH DRAMA it's hilarious. I enjoy watching people freak out about numbers, reservations, dates, shoes, and everything else. Even I find myself caught up in the whirlwind. Seriously though people, it is ONE EVENING. It is NOT your wedding (contrary to popular belief). And most importantly, in the end, you won't even remember where you ate, the annoying people you went with, or the windy cold pictures. You're just going to remember how FREAKING HOT you were and how CRAZY FUN it was; if you choose to make it that way. 


P.S. Obviously being an educated and opinionated person, I have prominent political views. One thing I think is very important with politics is to let people EXPRESS their views, no matter how against mine they are. Even if I think what they are saying is ignorant and wrong, they have as much right to say it as I do, and chances are, someone out there might think I am ignorant too. So it doesn't matter what people's opinions are, I believe it is hypocritical and unconstitutional to ask others to not voice their opinions. (That just leads to groupthink and not wanting to "rock the boat." After all, no one wants another Bay of Pigs fiasco.) So go ahead, voice your opinions, as controversial as they might be. 

[Letters]

"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." [Benjamin Franklin]

It has come to my attention, that I haven't blogged in a while. I would say this was because I was studying for my AP exams, but that would be only partially true. The other half of the time I've spent out like a teenager, doing nothing and somehow, doing so much. 

Dear Dad- It's so easy to get angry about the unfairness of our loss, but I have to remember how blessed I've been through it all, and how I continue to be blessed. I don't miss you any less, but I know that anger can so easily shroud the joy you would want in my life. Dear Weekend With All Your Crazies- I can honestly say this is the first time in a month I've been able to just go out and actually have fun. From 4 way rock-paper-scissors, to dancing to Pokemon, to eating more bananas than I thought I could, to longboarding in the rain, it has definitely been a weekend to remember. Dear Trees- I know that you've had a really hard year, but KEEP HOLDING ON! I'm still counting on you for beautiful spring blossoms and green leafy goodness this summer. (And if you ever get down, just remember, you're my favorites!) Dear Couple Protecting My Car- I know that Finn and Gabe look like homeless hooligans (especially with their skateboards) but seriously, they wouldn't rob a car and just take a camera that's worth less than $100. I understand you were trying to be helpful, but for future reference, please don't call the police on my friends. Dear AP Psych Test- I would just like to say that I am RELIEVED to have you over with. Its like my brain is sprinkled with happiness every time I remember that I NEVER have to WORRY about you AGAIN! 


P.S. The best piece of advice I've received, and continue to receive, is "Don't Worry."  Yes apathy can be destructive, but there is a difference between caring about something and worrying about it. I know that I spend more time worrying about tests than I do studying for them sometimes. Think back to something you worried about a month ago, a week ago, three days ago: does it matter anymore? Chances are it doesn't. So stop worrying, and start LIVING. Its the most liberating thing one can do.